Odd Things I saw Today

Soooooo, it’s still warm. To be honest, that’s an understatement, it’s boiling hot. Basically, I’m working against the clock because, by my estimation, I will have totally evaporated by six o’clock. Either that or my laptop will melt into a plastic puddle, whichever comes first. With this in mind, I will introduce today’s topic: odd things I saw today. Now, that might sound less than interesting, but since I went to a toy store, there’s defiantly something for everyone here. So, without further a do, let’s take a walk on the odd side of Germany.

Oversized American car

photo 1

You really can’t underestimate the size of American cars, those fellas from the colonies certainly know how to build them big. I photographed this in the car park at work, and I can only conclude that someone has a classic car fetish or Tony Soprano happened past and decided to take out a few officer workers on the side. I mean, come on! That boot is big enough to fit at least two and a half I.T. spods and still have enough room for some casual horse appendages for placing in the beds of whoever seems best. I tapped the trunk as I walked past, just to check, but I didn’t get any answers. In fairness it’s a pretty cool car, at least when it’s parked. When you have to drive past one of those things, it’s a bit of a gamble as it straddles two lanes. Furthermore, over taking it might lead to you finding sleeping accommodation in the local reservoir, and in my opinion, fish aren’t so good at wake up calls. German’s appear to have a secret fetish when it comes to American cars. They try not to like them, but they harbor a desire to bomb down route 66. They will never admit it to you. To your face they’ll BMW or Audis are best, but that wistful glint in their eyes gives it away. Just be sure and look for it.

Festive Summer Wreath

photo 2

I remember the days when only Christmas required you to hang a wreath from your door. In Germany all seasons are worth investing in some wreathy based fun. Germans love to hang accessories on their doors, so much so there is a booming economy in door tat, at least in my village. The connoisseur of the door hanging, often just make their own, as is the case with this pictured specimen. I’m not sure how I feel about this. The joyless part of me thinks ‘damn you for getting all excited about seasons, you quite obviously have too much time on your hands’ while the more sensitive part of me thinks ‘your right joyless Nic, those dicks have too much time on their hands! Let’s steal it and play illegal Frisbee’. As you can see I’m quite a troubled soul.

What’s in a name?

photo 3

I found this posted up on the village noticeboard, because we have one of those. I thought they were only found in Enid Blyton novels but apparently I happen to live in one. It’s not so bad, a lot of nosey teenagers rocking around in bizarrely specific numbered groups, but that’s just the way it is. At least they seem to keep the petty crime in check. I don’t have any issue with this poster, except that they have deliberately spelled the The Gruffelo’s name with an Ü which changes the pronunciation to something like Grooffelo. I doubt this changes the narrative too much, but I just feel bad that so many small children are being systematically lied to by their parents. You should be ashamed! I would continue talking but I just noticed that six of those Enid Blighton kids are peering in my window, I’ll just grab a bat and clear them off…nosey bellends.


photo 4

So I took a day off and went about wasting some precious minutes in a department store. I should have been buying a birthday present, but why the hell would I do that when I can stare at the Lego for twenty minutes. Anyway, as I perused the Sponge Bob section I caught site of these weirdo toys out of the corner of my eye. Why in gods name would you buy these for your children? They look like the spawn of Satan! I’m fairly sure I saw them in my illustrated copy of Dante’s Divine Comedy, somewhere in the seventh circle of hell. Look at them, you can see their demonic minds working away on how best to eradicate us all and install some fluffy, yet despotic over lordship over planet Earth. I saw a small child reach for one as I stood transfixed, luckily I regained my wits and kicked the evil beast out of her hand. Imagine my surprise, instead of being celebrated as a hero, I was physically manhandled out of the store and thrown to the pavement. I think they said I’m banned, but it was hard to hear through all the kicking.


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